You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
