Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
