My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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