This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
