I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
