Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
