we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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