It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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