Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
