On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
