it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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