dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
