pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
