Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
