remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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