Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
