Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
