I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
