I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
