I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
