I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
