I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
