just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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