Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
