im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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