I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
