i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
