Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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