I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
