You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize