I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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