And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
