Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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