No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
