Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
