I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
