Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
