Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
