There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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