sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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