All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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