just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
