I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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