1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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