I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
