Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
