how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
