I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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