was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
