My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
