Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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