I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
