It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
