I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
