he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
