That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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