YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
