I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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