i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
