I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
