Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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