I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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