So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
