So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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