fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
