ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
