You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
