Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
