He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
